My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize