He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
