YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Your penis caused this!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
