Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
