I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
