Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
