Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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