the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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