His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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