I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
