Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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