Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
