Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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