all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
the liver wants what the liver wants
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
