Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
