3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
