Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
