i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
