I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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