i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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