Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
