This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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