I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
