god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
