He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
