i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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