Too much gin, very little bucket
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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