I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Randomize
