k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
