Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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