it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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