Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
