i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
