Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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