I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
