I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Randomize
