Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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