i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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