i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
