He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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