We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
oh god the rape fog is back!
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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