yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
