Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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