Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
