I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
