when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
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