I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
