Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
No subtext here. People are naked.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
