I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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