I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
