i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
