i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
